Saturday Night Blues.

It’s another weekend that I’m staying in, not that I want to, but because I have no other choice. I don’t really have any friends that live down here, either on campus or by my college. The ones that I do have down here, I only see them when they want something from me, not because they want to hang out. My real friends are back home, like an hour drive away, but I don’t see them as often because they all work and I’m not familiar with their work schedules. Plus, only one of my friends has access to a car so that makes it even harder to see everyone at once.

I just want to have one good weekend of fun with my friends. Kind of like how my birthday weekend was last month. I had a lot of fun with them when they came down. I wish I was a more approachable person. I think that leads to me not really having friends on campus. There have been a few times (more than a few times) when people would either walk by me and say “Smile!’ or a classmate would mention how they saw me walking with “an angry face”. I’m a nice person, honestly, I just don’t like people as much as I should. I just have a trust issue, even with people I don’t know that well. I think that someone is using me for something if they want to be friends. It’s weird and hard to explain, but I’ve had a hard time trusting people since my mother’s death back in 2000 (yesterday was my mom’s 56th birthday btw).

I know that the problem starts with me and that I probably won’t have any legit friendships/relationships until I work on my trust issues, but that’s the hard part. The easy part was me admitting to my problem. I do have good friendships with some people in my class, my roommate this year and some of her friends, but that’s not what I’m looking for. I’m looking for friends that are like my friends back home. People that I can just be myself around, people that I can trust, people that get my weirdness and enjoy my awkwardness like they do.

I’m probably asking for too much, but I don’t care. I just hate spending my weekends alone. I’m older and a bit more mature, and I just want to have fun and make good memories before I get too old to do anything.

Here’s a photo I took earlier, hope you all are enjoying your weekend!




11 thoughts on “Saturday Night Blues.

  1. Bingo! You nailed it there. Lots of people wait til too late in life to achieve their dreams. You don’t have to be one of them, get out there and live!

  2. I know how you feel -I’m states away from my closest friends (and I’m so guilty of my regular face looking angry when I’m not even upset). I always feel a little better after Skyping or emailing a friend!

  3. Honestly, you’re holding potential friends up to long lasting friend status. You don’t have the trust issues you think, but instead it’s more fear. You can trust your known friends, and know them. The problem is getting to know people on a larger level, and that’s not confined to you. That’s scary to everyone. Putting yourself out there is terrifying to most people (sorry if that sounds cold-hearted in relation to your mom). The good news is that you’ll be okay. Its your life and you can choose the outcome. But if your concern is friends….you just have to get out of your shell and that’s an active experience. Be daring, try something you haven’t before (outdoor adventure club, or rock climbing club) or attend activities for local organizations (bowling for majors, whatever your major is *club*, or attend a sporting event). Friends happen spontaneously, you just have to break down your own fear of making them, and stop holding them up to the standards of existing friends. After all, no one is perfect. Sorry….hope that rant helped.

    1. No need to apologize, I’ll take any advice given to me. But I think you’re right about the fear part. I’m more on the shy side, so it’s not easy for me to approach others to befriend them. It’s just a hard process for me to meet new friends.

      1. No worries, or fear. It’s hard for everyone. But there are plenty of excuses for you to make under any given situation. Truth is you have to be yourself, be happy with that, and not apologize. Go out and find friends (remind yourself it’s an active process, you have to go out and do it) and if you make none, who cares, you’re back to square one. The worst case scenario from putting yourself out there, is you’re back where you already are. The best case scenario is you end up in a happier spot. Maybe it costs some energy and time, but time is something to be burned. I wish you luck, but don’t be scared, at least not until your dead. Then you can worry about that stuff.

  4. I totally understand…just moved 700 miles from everything I know and trust. Change is tough. However, change is inevitable.

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