Time Will Tell.

I’ve been doing more thinking on how my life has been lately, social-wise and it’s pretty light. I don’t have a love life and I doubt I’ll have one anytime soon. I’m too much of a loner to put myself out there and make myself available to other people. I also realized that I’m becoming kind of anti-social. I don’t socialize with my roommate or classmates when I don’t have to. Of course, there have been days when I would be in a rare talkative mood and I’ll strike up conversations with people, but that’s not an everyday thing. I wish I could talk to others more because sometimes, I think they look at me as being cold or unapproachable because I don’t initiate conversations with them. I’ll give my roommate and her friends a simple “Hello” or “Hey” or make small talk with them when I’m in a good mood, but most days I’ll just keep to myself. I don’t mind being on the “loner” side, I just wish I could be more social. I thought that when I got older, I would have a more fun and enjoyable life. But it’s the opposite.

I know I’ve posted about this before, but I cannot seem to escape these thoughts and feelings. I want to be a likable person and I want people to be able to enjoy themselves around me without there being an awkward silence. I want to be able to start conversations with people I don’t know instead of just sitting by them not saying a word. It’s like I don’t know how to be social with people my own age anymore. I want to go out and visit new states, but it’ll be pointless if I’m just going to stay in one place all the time, not daring to socialize with the locals. I know that this change I want to see in myself has to begin with me, I just don’t know how to begin. I need a push in the right direction so I can start to open up to others, learn how to let my guard down for awhile and not be afraid of speaking with other people.

 

L.

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10 thoughts on “Time Will Tell.

  1. Your words resonated. I enjoy my own company. I enjoy doing things that I can do on my own like reading, walking, writing. I’m a serious person. The four things that brought me “out of my shell” were having a sense of humour, having children, travelling and getting a job in sales and marketing using a Science degree. Most people that knew me were shocked when I got my first job in sales. I was going to be a teacher, but I was much too shy to control a classroom. I understood the products I was selling and I wanted others to know their benefits. I met my husband through a service organisation and we “clicked”. To help my children socialise I networked with other parents. But travelling was the great door opener. Why travel to another state? I dropped myself in the deep end and travelled to Europe where i had to talk to locals using gestures, and constantly made a fool of myself but always laughed at myself. I love renaissance art and architecture, so I went to Italy. I organised my own itinerary and accommodation.
    The thing is, we only live once, so every day is precious. Have no regrets! (Listen to Edith Piaf singing “Je ne regret rien”)
    Find that push, and go for it!

    1. Thank you for the encouraging words. It seems like you really have broken out of your shell. I only hope that I can do the same one of these days. And I’ve always wanted to visit France, so that might have to go onto my bucket list!

  2. Hey,
    Thanks for sharing your honest thoughts. I think this blog is a great place for you to start communicating more. It isn’t the same as in person, but i think it’s great practice for you. I’ve also had a tendency to isolate at times throughout my life. I find that it’s something i have to work at, it’s almost like a muscle. In the beginning it’s difficult to build, but the more you do it, the stronger you get and the easier it becomes. Have you thought about joining any groups at your college? I found that to be a great way for me to get out of my shell and meet people that shared certain interests of mine.
    there are lots of things that you can slowly try to incorporate into your life that will enable you to practice socializing. YOu’re definitely right that it starts with you, and that you need to be the one to make the change. I enjoyed reading this post because i can relate to your feelings.

    thanks

    1. No, thank you for your kind words. I’m actually going to be working on my college’s newspaper next semester, so that’ll give me the opportunity to start communicating with my peers.

  3. I think it is great that you are able to identify this by yourself and wanting to do something about it. It is an amazing step in every way. However do not feel too bad about it, being independant is not a bad thing and to socialise better, maybe you could go out more and have couple glasses of wine that would give you a dutch of courage! I am similar, I have quite a difficulty to socialise due my shyness and few glasses of wine always help and make people realise that I am not unfriendly or grumpy and that I was just a shy person. As you made some new friends, it will get easier and you wouldn’t need glasses of wine anymore!

    I love your writing and the bravery of getting your thoughts out there. I’ve just started doing this last week and you’ve inspired me to continue!

    K.

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