I’ve been doing more thinking on how my life has been lately, social-wise and it’s pretty light. I don’t have a love life and I doubt I’ll have one anytime soon. I’m too much of a loner to put myself out there and make myself available to other people. I also realized that I’m becoming kind of anti-social. I don’t socialize with my roommate or classmates when I don’t have to. Of course, there have been days when I would be in a rare talkative mood and I’ll strike up conversations with people, but that’s not an everyday thing. I wish I could talk to others more because sometimes, I think they look at me as being cold or unapproachable because I don’t initiate conversations with them. I’ll give my roommate and her friends a simple “Hello” or “Hey” or make small talk with them when I’m in a good mood, but most days I’ll just keep to myself. I don’t mind being on the “loner” side, I just wish I could be more social. I thought that when I got older, I would have a more fun and enjoyable life. But it’s the opposite.
I know I’ve posted about this before, but I cannot seem to escape these thoughts and feelings. I want to be a likable person and I want people to be able to enjoy themselves around me without there being an awkward silence. I want to be able to start conversations with people I don’t know instead of just sitting by them not saying a word. It’s like I don’t know how to be social with people my own age anymore. I want to go out and visit new states, but it’ll be pointless if I’m just going to stay in one place all the time, not daring to socialize with the locals. I know that this change I want to see in myself has to begin with me, I just don’t know how to begin. I need a push in the right direction so I can start to open up to others, learn how to let my guard down for awhile and not be afraid of speaking with other people.