This prompt asked readers to participate in a breathing exercise and to focus on the thoughts that came to mind while doing so. The main thought that was left floating around my mind was this: How do I become a better person?
Now, I know that I have done wrong in my life, but I have moved from those dark places to another place. I have had on and off bouts of depression and other self problems, but I’ve kept it all bottled up inside of me. This has caused me to become more distant from those around me. Whether it was my family, friends, professors, or classmates, I seemed to have placed myself in a setting that wasn’t here with them. I would literally drift off from reality and that would leave others with the impression that I didn’t care or didn’t want to be around them. This was somewhat true, but what I needed was help.
Being the quiet and reserved person that I am, I feel like I communicate better through writing. I didn’t know how to ask others for help because I felt like they wouldn’t understand and that they would judge and label me. I’ve seemed to have moved out of my latest depressive state that followed me from fall of last year to February of this year. I haven’t had the courage to speak formally with a therapist, but I figured this might have been SAD, or Seasonal affective disorder. This is the third year it’s happened around the same time, so until I see a professional, I’ll just go with that.
How does this tie into my thought of being a better person? I’m not quite sure, but all that I have written so far was clouding around that thought. Maybe if I find out exactly what is wrong with me, I’ll be able to see how to fix my thought cycle and become more accepting of those around me. I know that I want to do good in life, but I tend to think less of myself.
Helping others seems to clear my mind for a few hours and helps me focus on the good that I am doing. I recently had a chance to volunteer at a women’s kitchen and I felt appreciated and welcomed by the other volunteers who were also helping out. Since I was the youngest one there that day, a lot of the older volunteers took me under their wing and opened up to me about why they decided to volunteer there. I enjoyed being able to connect with them, especially since I learned that they just wanted to do something that would help out people who needed a good meal.
I know that I jumped from one topic to another, but I think this prompt was just what I needed. I was able to share a part of myself with you all that I probably wouldn’t have shared otherwise. I hope you all enjoy reading this post as much as I have enjoyed writing it.