Conceal

There is not much to be said about fear.  It can consume you, make you stronger, or both.  This is how it usually goes with me.  I allow it to seep into my mind and take its rightful place.  My dreams and daydreams alike both suffer from it residence there.  It is like a bug, a mosquito or ant, that gnaws away at your skin until you are forced to take notice of it.  When you do, the itching and irritation seems to get worse and worse as you give in to the scratching that occurs from it.

What I am getting at is when you scratch at a bug bite, it sends temporary relief throughout your system that makes you believe that it is okay and that it is going to stop soon.  But that is never the case.  Either you live it out and let the bite run its course until it disappears.  Or, you soothe yourself by adding lotions, oils, or other concoctions that you believe in onto your skin.  It is still there.  It is not completely gone.  That is what I do with fear.

I either caress it or ignore it.

I run from it.

I hide it.

 I conceal it.

But none of this helps.  I keep fear with me because sometimes I am weak and cannot bear to face it.  I hold on to it because it lets me know that I am alive and that I am scared of the world that I live in.  I let it consume me because I feel like I have no other option.

Fear makes me feel alive.  It helps me with knowing that I am a human.  I can feel this intimidating emotion and still live to see another day.  I say that it lives in my mind because it does.  Day in and day out.  Fear lives inside of me.  It helps me with my awareness in life.  I am more alert of my surroundings, of those I interact with, of strangers I pass on a daily basis.

Fear gives me life.  I thrive on it at times.  Other-times, it strikes in my heart.  It makes me paranoid or overly cautious.  There are different types of fear that I have experienced.  One being fear of living because of the negative things that happen in our lives.  Others being afraid of being a failure, growing old, dying alone, dying young, losing someone close to me, the list can go on.  I am sure one of you reading this can relate to one of these last fears listed.  It is a part of being a human.  We feel these things in our everyday lives.  They are natural feelings.

To end my rambling thoughts, I will say this.  If I lived my life without fear, I would still be the same person I am today.  Yes, I let it consume me, but I am stronger because of it.

L.

*This is a response to this week’s Dungeon Prompt: Fear, how do you use it?.  Sorry for my ramblings, folks!

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3 thoughts on “Conceal

  1. Nice rambles! You really illustrate well the hold that fear can have over us. I like your analogy with a bug bite. Actually I woke up now because of scratching on a mosquito bite and then saw that you had posted this. So I’m scratching away, while reading about scratching away! Nice one.

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