I Believe in a Higher Being

By ‘higher being’, I mean something that is equal to what God is to those who believe in Him.  Since I was a young child, I’ve either attended Sunday School or participated in church by way of youth groups or other youth events.  There has never been a chance for me to question my own faith since it was basically given to me since birth.  After my mother’s death, I was still living with my grandparents who were heavy on attending church every Sunday.  I had no problem with it because I’ve been to church in the past and found ways to bear through the service.  After I reached high school, questions about God started to come forth in my head.  I never spoke about them with anyone around me because I felt like I would get shot down after opening my mouth.

I remember one Sunday morning, sitting in the backseat of the car asking my grandmother why did I have to come to church that day.  She raised her voice loudly and what she said next I will never remember.  But it was something along the lines of, “Why don’t you want to come to church anymore?”  There were more questioning times for me that I never acted on.  Plenty of times when I started to lose interest in what was being preached to me and the congregation.  In the scriptures that were being read.  In the prayers that were being said.  I’m not sure why, but I started to lose my faith in God.

As of now, I’m going back and forth between praying to God and praying to a god.  I do know, or believe at least, that there is something bigger out there that has this power that people give to God.  I do not believe that God can make the blind see or the paralyzed walk.  I do believe in miracles, but in a sense that they happen without the help of God, but by their own will.

I wrote this poem, maybe back in 2010 or 2011, about what I believe about God.  The responses I received after posting it reassured me that I was not alone and that other people felt the same way.

Is There a God?

Is there a God?

Is there really one creator of all?

If such a person did exist,

Why is our world plagued with such loathsome people?

Why is there this abundant amount of hatred living within our souls?

We are not all holy, we don’t portray ourselves as such.

If there was a higher being,

I would expect people of earth to be less full of themselves,

To be more concerned with the state of their living grounds.

We consume negativity like a meal, lingering for more,

Our religions battle one another, proving their own to be the right one,

If there is a God, he failed when he created us.

 

This post is in response to this week’s Dungeon Prompt: Concepts of God.  Thank you for posting this certain topic.  It’s been something that I’ve always wanted to get off of my chest.

 

L.